Nothing New
by Bleedyr
Summary: Post meteor, Cloud makes a final decision after being consumed by guilt over the death of Sephiroth. lang, angst


Just a warning, this may depress some people. This was written one day when I felt the distinct need to destroy something, so this happened. I destroyed Cloud's happiness. I am not in favor of the Cloud/Tifa pairing, but it seems to me like the one pairing that makes the most sense (I'm more partial to Sephiroth/Cloud), at least in this fic. Some of the shit here is left for you, the reader, to interpret. There is also a huge language issue, so if you are offended by that sort of thing, don't bother. So I hope you enjoy it, and don't forget to give me a review.  
  
Nothing New  
  
I guess this is supposed to be life. This total fucking mess.  
  
Nothing is new under the sun anymore. Well, what you can see of the sun. It's blocked by some weird electrical storm. It started over Midgard. Now it's all over the place. Sephiroth did a damn good job making sure everybody remembered him. What a tragedy.  
  
Well, nothing is new.  
  
Not even your smile brings me joy anymore.  
  
It used to be that that was all it would take. Just one look at you, and everything would somehow be alright. You would be there for me, and that was all it was about. Take little steps, and you will eventually get to the problem. Or at least around it. I guess it's not your fault. Its mine.  
  
Everywhere we look it's just a sea of worn faces. They are all the same. All tired. All waiting for something. Some sign, someone, somewhere, something to deliver us from what life that resembles hell so closely.  
  
Yeah, Sephiroth sure did a good job.  
  
And I start wondering, was it so bad? Would his ultimately selfish goal be so bad on us? We all die someday. All of us. If not one thing then another. Fuck. Maybe total destruction wouldn't have been so bad. At least we wouldn't have gone drifting on the way we have. Just kind of waiting. Waiting for something that would never come. Maybe we did need someone to stop us. Someone to tell us that the human race was no longer worth the existence that we drove ourselves effortlessly through, preaching our right to live with one face and killing our children with the other. Not taking responsibility for anything. No, it was somebody else's fault.  
  
I couldn't imagine raising children in this place. This Hell. What would they grow up to be like? More Sephiroth's? More people just so fet up with living that they don't care how other people manage to live anymore. Just kill them all, save them of their suffering. And maybe take the planet out as well. Drown us all in a blissful state of non-existence.  
  
And Sephiroth had known it. He knew it before everyone else. Sephiroth had seen it all. The frontlines of the wars, the blood and the smell of rotten flesh and the blood everywhere. Screaming and explosions and more blood. And how he carried people on his back because their legs had been blown of and the blood dripping down his back and the smell-  
  
But that wasn't the end of it. No. He saw the evil and corruption of the men behind the company. People that cared only for power and money. The drive of the evil interchangeable retard bastards at Shinra who would have cut us all down and raped the planet for green paper.  
  
The people in the slums, staving, praying for any kind of hope. The cold nights they must have suffered. The guns, the knives, the gangs, the whores, the drugs. All the drugs. A deadly sin on every street corner and all the city did was embrace it. Apathy. I can't believe that they used to call this the City of Opportunity.  
  
Not to leave out Hojo. What a fucking case. Who knows what he did to Sephiroth in the dead of the night.  
  
He had known the worst of man better then anyone else. And it drove him crazy. What does that say about man?  
  
There is nothing new under the sun. Well, from what we can see of it.  
  
I wish I had lost. Maybe if I had lost things would be different. I wonder how different. Would Sephiroth have achieved godlihood? Maybe so. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad. Yeah.  
  
I sometimes think of Zack, and I think of what would he have done in my situation? Of course he would have tried to stop Sephiroth, but if he would have known what would be brought after the storm? I sure wish I had known, and then things might be different.  
  
I wish sometimes I could go back to Nibelheim, back to where it all started. I could have done something about it sooner, then maybe there wouldn't have been an end, and if there was, it would have been less deadly. I can remember what he was like back then, and how only Zack had any affect on him. His only friend.  
  
And your smile doesn't make me happy anymore.  
  
Nothing makes me happy anymore.  
  
The people of this world don't really live, but they don't die either. Everything is another shade of grey.  
  
I remember how righteous I used to be, how full of hope. I would give anything to live like that again. I remember how Aries used to smile, and I used to feel as though nothing else mattered, when she was smiling at me. Zack. Me. The moment she died, something in me was killed of forever. Something irreplaceable. Something sacred. And it was killed. Maybe that's when I lost hope. And maybe that's when all I started running on was revenge, a dirtier reason.  
  
But it still got the job done.  
  
And the puppet became the master.  
  
I don't know how people feel about my name. I don't know how I feel about my name. I was supposed to be their savior, the selfless person capable of leading them out of darkness. But all I did was cast upon them another wound. And it's not like the old one healed yet.  
  
I guess, in the end, I'm really no better then Sephiroth. It's not like it's my fault or anything, but people will say so anyway. Cloud Strife, hero or villain? Bringing unhappiness to a theater near you. If life continues on, that is.  
  
Nobody cares anymore. Everyone divorced themselves from emotion, it would get them nowhere. Just like Sephiroth did. And then he went crazy.  
  
I guess I'm just sick of all this shit. I can't live in this place. I can't get out.  
  
But then again, I've always got the Ultima Weapon.  
  
And Tifa, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry about all this. I know you're going to be the one to find me, and I know your going to blame yourself. And I love you and I want to tell you it's not, not entirely your fault. But I guess that would be a lie. Your not Aries, and there's nothing you can do about that. But its not just you, as you've read. I'm sure you never thought I felt like this. But people can lie. Just look at Sephiroth, he did it his entire life.  
  
Nothing is new under the sun anymore. No one is happy.  
  
And I'm very, very sorry for all of it.  
  
I'm so fucking sorry. 


End file.
